01 — Orientation

What is actually in this file

One spreadsheet, 5,257 rows, eighteen days. It records a paid-ads → free webinar → sales-call funnel selling a $4,000–$7,000 coaching programme. Nobody has told us any of that — every word of it is readable off the column names and the empty cells.

5,257

rows, which are not 5,257 people

columns, from 3 separate systems

days, 6–24 May 2026

$225,016

recorded cash, before cleaning

The empty cells already draw the funnel

Before computing anything, count how many people have data in each layer of the file. A column is only filled if that person got that far. The result is the funnel, in silhouette.

Read top to bottom: everyone registers, most arrive from a trackable ad, seven in ten get scored, half fill in the long survey, one in six ever reaches a salesperson, and one in sixty pays. No calculation produced this — it is just which cells are blank.

The business reconstructs itself from the labels

Column names and dropdown values are evidence. A company only creates a field for something that happens often enough to need one — so the vocabulary gives the operation away.

Q10. How long following Abu Lahya

A funnel built on one named person. This is a personal brand, and how warm someone is to him is worth asking about.

Capital available in next 30 days

They screen for ability to pay before the pitch. You only ask this when the product is expensive.

Program_Type
Course Only (4k) · Full Program (7k)

There is the price list: $4,000 and $7,000. Two products, one funnel.

Payment_Type
PIF · Payment Plan · Deposit

Most buyers finance it. Cash arriving and revenue booked are going to be two very different numbers.

Close_Lead_Status — 23 values
Triaged – Financial · Fear Objection · Parent Objection

A human sales team on the phone, not a checkout. And they lose people often enough to have named the ways.

Ta3ban Data

Arabic slang for “junk”, typed into a CRM dropdown. The closers speak Arabic. Nobody designed this field — it leaked.

Q12 / Q13 — free text
halal · deen · akhira · barakah

The audience is Muslim, and the offer is framed as religiously permissible income.

UTM Campaign — 160 values
14.05 | Imran | Dumbest Thing

Paid social, tagged by date, creator and hook. There is a media team running structured creative tests.

What this file cannot answer

Worth stating at the front rather than burying. Four questions any owner of this business would ask first — and none of them are answerable from this export, no matter how it is analysed.

The question	Why not
What did any of this cost?	There is no ad spend anywhere in the file. Every efficiency number — cost per lead, cost per sale, return on ad spend — is unavailable. We can rank channels by what they return, never by what they cost.
Did they show up to the call?	There are no call events, only a flag showing the stage someone sits in right now. Booked → held → closed cannot be computed.
When did a deal close?	There is no close date column. Without it there is no time-to-sale, no maturity curve, and no fair comparison between one cohort and the next.
Did they watch the webinar?	No attendance data. The webinar is the product, and its performance is the single largest blind spot here.

These are not complaints about the data. They are the shopping list — page 10 turns each one into a specific request, ranked by how much it unlocks.

▶ All 35 columns, with fill rates — the full dictionary

Fill rate is the share of the 5,257 raw rows where the column has any value. “Distinct” counts unique non-empty values — a fast way to tell a category from free text, and to spot fields like Q6 that are entirely empty.